Friday, March 26, 2010

Friday Confessional


Glamazon Mormon Mom has graciously given us the chance to unburden ourselves every Friday. As a young Catholic girl, I learned all too well how to do a very successful confession.

I continued to use this practice when I went to see my doctor as an adult woman. You see when they ask certain questions, the only thing to do is lie! Same with confessions! This week I'm going to open up about how it used to be done.

1. I smoked, drank, and flirted with the fish man this week. (Okay, I smoked pot, drank a quart of gin, and slept with the fish man twice on Tuesday alone.)

2. I didn't give Mama all the change from when I went to the store. (Okay, I cleaned out her change purse when she wasn't looking to buy cigarettes.)

3. I said a bad word. (Every other word out of my mouth was the "F" word.)

4. I had impure thoughts about Roland Pagni. (Okay, I gave him a .... never mind.)

5. I was immodest in my dress one day. (I flashed my boobs at the senior class basketball team.)

6. I had impure thoughts about my sister's boyfriend. (Yup, I boinked him.)

7. I ate meat on Friday. (Oh you don't even want to know!)

8. I missed Mass last Sunday. (I was too hung over to get out of bed.)

9. I took something that didn't belong to me. (Okay, it was her 3rd husband so what's the big deal.)

10. I had impure thoughts about my history teacher. (Uh, yeah, I did get an A++).

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Politicians and Performers and Bimbos



From JFK, to Tiger Woods, to Jesse James, they all seem to have the same weakness. All of these men were married to beautiful woman. What is it about wealth, fame, and public adoration that makes them risk it all for a bimbo?

I really doubt it's that mysterious. I think the answer is, because they can! What makes me wonder a bit is the women who flock to these guys. I don't think it's a mystery that if Marilyn Monroe was available in her prime to just about any man, he probably would be tempted to say the least.

With JFK, Marilyn was just the tip of the iceberg. There were scores of others. He was a player! Now, it seems to me that these guys have a lot to lose. Hell, Clinton got impeached because of Monica! The wives humiliation is beyond my comprehension. Sometimes they leave, sometimes they stay.

I think the worst part of this is that the bimbos seem to think this is a career move for them. The tramps who boinked Tiger are lined up to appear on any television show that will have them. They are doing interviews with scummy gossip rags for money and more importantly, the fame!

If I had an affair with a married man, I would not want it known. It would humiliate me for others to know that I had done something so morally reprehensible. This is not to say that there is never a reason that a married person strays. There may be a good reason. And I'm not here to judge anybody. But I do think that good taste should dictate that it would not be on the cover of US magazine, or posing sans panties in Esquire like John Edward's bimbo is.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Hump Day Part II

My good friend Token made a movie of me. She is so smart and nice too. I know she even makes good gravy! Token is my Auntie I think.
video

Let's Play A Game

Terry at Oh For Pete's Sake tagged me with this little game deally bop! Okay, I am to take the 10th photo from my first file and post it and write a piece describing the photo. Okay, then I tag five other folks to do the same thing. I've told Terry a number of times that I have trouble following directions, but I'm trying, so here goes!

Honey's Portrait

We hired an artist to do a portrait of Honey about four years ago. The woman, Magdaline Chan, came to our house to photograph Honey before she began the life sized watercolor painting. She took about 200 shots, but we chose the photo on the right. It's a beautiful painting.

Right from the start, we knew Honey had some troubling health issues. When we took her to the vet, right after adopting her from the shelter, the vet told us she had some severe arthritis in her hips and hind legs. Honey was about 5 when we got her.

Honestly, we didn't expect to have her for long, but since I loved her so much, I wanted her to be as happy and healthy as she could be as long as we had her. It's been 5 years now and she's still here! We've had orthopedic surgeons look at her and they say there's really nothing that can be done except to keep her as pain free as possible.

She has had acupuncture, massage therapy, as well as a variety of herbs. Honey was so amazing with about 100 needles sticking out of her! She looked like an alien canine queen.

Honey takes medication and seems to be mostly doing all right. For a big dog of 10 years old or so, she seems to still have a lot of life and love in her. She has her good days and her bad days, but hey! Don't we all?

Now I'm going to tag 5 people. And you are supposed to do the same thing, i.e., go to the first photo file and pick the 10th photo, write about it, and tag 5 more people to do the same! (Or go to Terry's and look up what she says to do, whichever makes the most sense to you!) And the lucky 5 are: Ta Dah! : Here they come! :

Deb at Menopausal New Mom

Peg at Square Peg In A Round Hole

Suzicate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Lee at The Fat Lady At the Gym

Paula at How to be a Cat Lady Without the Cats

Hump Day With Harry

The Thing About Beds

I really like to stay at my own house to sleep. I don't like to travel because the beds aren't good when I travel.

At home is the best bed of all. My bed is a big one and has a big cumferter on it. Then mom puts a silky thing on top of that because sometimes I drool.

Everything was just fine and then Lola came over to visit. I love Lola but she does bad things and then I get in trouble. I don't care. I still love her because she's curly and little. Well, anyway, Lola wants to come up on my bed with me. We can cuddle and I can put her head in my mouth and it's fun.

Then, what does Lola do? She starts chewing on the silky thing on the bed. She takes it in her mouth and tears it all up. When she's through, mom walks in and says "Harry! What have you done!" just like that.

So, Mom took off the silky thing and threw it away. She put a big ugly cotton thing on top of the bed. I don't like sleeping on that! So I always pull back the covers because there is a silky blanket in there and that's how I roll.

Lola is coming to visit this weekend. I can't wait!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Bitz and Pieces



Okay, here's the do from the back. Hmm. Bimbo Blond if I ever saw Bimbo Blond. Never mind. It will be my natural pale beige champagne color in no time. (I'll bet you wish you had natural beige champagne colored hair!)

You may wonder why I have a stylist who does screwy stuff to my hair. It's simple. I love her. She's a tad eccentric and that makes me smile. And she's expensive too. Oh well. You love what you love.

Speaking of which... My husband Alex has a "bromance" with his friend Maurice. Maurice owns an autobody shop and he is a racecar driver. Alex takes the BMW's to Maurice to do any necessary work.

There's only one problem with this. Maurice never fixes the cars right. That's what I said. Never fixes the cars right! Never is an awful long time. When I suggest to Alex that he just stop taking the cars there, and invite Maurice out for a cocktail to spend time with him, Alex giggles. I've also suggested that Alex send Maurice a ticket to some sporting event so that they can bond over that. Alex giggles at that one too.

Oh hell, who am I to talk. I pay my goofy stylist $180 to ruin my hair.

Monday, March 22, 2010

The Flock of Seagulls "Do"



Since we got a nasty surprise bill from the IRS in the last week or so, I had decided that I wouldn't get a haircut until we paid the Uncle.

Waking each morning, trying to slick down the un-slickable, I finally gave up and tried to get an appointment for a haircut only to be told there was nothing available for two weeks.

Yes, I resorted to threats of arson, robbery, blackmail, and other coercive measures. Susan, my stylist, finally said "Okay, come in on Monday at 9 AM." She followed this up with a reminder that Monday was her regular day off and that Susan was going to style my hair however she chose as part of the deal.

Whatever. I just couldn't live with it another day. When your hair looks bad, you look bad. I don't care what you put on, or even how cute your shoes are, when your hair sucks, you are not cute. The IRS be damned, I was going in for my cut and color too!

Susan is a lovely woman. I really like her. That being said, what she did to me today can only be called a Flock of Seagulls hairdo, slightly modified, but it's the same "do". From the top of my head, there came a big poof! The sides poofed up! She kept my back to the mirror so she could surprise me with her creation.

To say I was shocked is like saying "Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?" This was astounding to say the least since I have very short hair. When Susan realized I wasn't
entirely pleased, she asked me, is it too poofy for you? Uh, that would be a yes, Susan.

With a lot of gel and another 15 minutes, Susan got my hair to looking more like an over the hill Country Western singer, than a member of Flock of Seagulls. Not what I really wanted, but, hey, it's a move in the right direction. Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Circle Of Friends Award

I am just getting so big headed (and that can be dangerous with a tiny brain like mine) over these awards! The Circle of Friends Award was bestowed on my by Peg (Square Peg in a Round Hole) this morning.

It came with a list of directions, and I think the directions were, link the post back to Peg (one of my favorite bloggers in the world along with her equally talented and lovely sister, Suzicate- The Water Witch's Daughter).

Next I think I'm supposed to say five things that make me happy.

1. Alex getting home safe and sound!

2. Watching Harry and Honey go crazy when Dad walks in!

3. Dim sum on Sunday mornings!

4. Silver Oak Cabernet!

5. Comments on my posts!

The next thing is to give the award to 5 bloggers who make me smile!

1. Patience at A Reason for a Season. Patience is very funny and very smart and always entertaining!

2. Deb at Menopausal New Mom. Always a great post!

3. Angel at Angel Believes. Watching her vblog of Friday confessional is the highlight of my week. I don't know how much more hilarious a woman can be!

4. Val at Golden to Silver Val. This woman is a hoot! Love her!

5. Token Blogger takes my breath away with her little slice of life videos!

Peg, thank you so much for including me for this lovely award! You seriously rock!

Smoke In Bed

It's not supposed to be about the dogs all the time.

Smokey Joe Trouble gets a little jealous. And unless he receives equal treatment (even equal press), he gets in a hissy!

We've had Smokey since he was 5 months old; he was never a "sweet little kitty", but always a mean black cat with a bad attitude.

A few years ago, Alex and I were "babysitting" our next door neighbor cat, Idem, while his parents were on vacation. Alex decided he would bring Idem, a big Persian guy, over to have a nice visit with Smokey.

Now, on the face of it, I knew this was not going to be the right thing to do. It took us quite a while to acquaint Smokey and Mitch, our beloved Cocker Spaniel, (who is now in puppy heaven). Smoke and Mitch eventually became good friends, but it took time and a lot of work. I suggested that Alex not get involved in Smokey's relationships, particularly with another male cat. Like many men, Alex was sure he was doing the right thing.

Smokey likes to sleep in my closet. Alex carried Idem upstairs, opened the closet door, and the next thing I heard was Alex running for his life screaming like a girl. He was holding Idem like a football! Mitch was screaming too, from being clawed on the behind as she ran in front of the most terrifying cat I have ever seen.

This cat looked like a feline version of Cujo. Smokey had puffed out his fur so he looked like a 70 pound cat (maybe a panther). He was hissing, popping, and making the most ungodly noise I've ever heard, as he was trying to kill Alex, Mitch, and Idem.

Fortunately, Alex got Idem out the door before too much damage was done to anybody. I really think Smokey had attended "Cat Terrorist Training Camp" before he came to us.

Smoke is about 15 now. Has he mellowed with age? Oh hell no!